God Loves the Tar Heels

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, see what I've made..."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a hard place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be lovely but poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot." God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a place. "What's that?"

"Ah," said God. "Chapel Hill, the most glorious place on Earth. I made it from a little corner of Heaven. There are beautiful women and an exquisite campus that is called UNC. The people from Chapel Hill are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them a great and wondrous basketball team swathed in cloth made from the Sky itself. The team will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!"

God replied, "Fear not, Michael. Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them in Durham."

Here's your 2005 NCAA Division I National Men's Basketball Champions: